Grief and the Holidays

At a time where so many people are celebrating joy, abundance, and family, the holidays can feel particularly hard for anyone who has recently experienced loss or are having a holiday that looks differently than they hoped. Let's talk a little more about this.

Loss

The first holiday after the passing of a loved one can be brutal, as it can be a striking reminder that the person is no longer with you. Even if it's not the first holiday, it can still be challenging. When everyone is gathered together, the absence feels a lot louder.

It can be helpful to intentionally add some reminders of your late loved one. Some great ways are by making their holiday recipies (or a recipe they really loved), playing their favorite holiday music, or engaging with a tradition they loved. Maybe they always forced you to watch a Christmas parade and you used to roll your eyes at it. Time to turn on the parade and make some hot chocolate! By bringing their memory to the forefront in a very intentional way, you will bring their spirit into the holidays with you.

Family

Family gathering together is portrayed as wonderful and something everyone hopes for. There's a whole song about going home for the holidays! However, the reality is that not everyone experiences this with their families. Some people dread visiting their families and some folks feel anxious about the thought of holiday dinner table conversations. There's a certain grieving process in accepting that your family is a certain way and that you aren't getting the wholesome holiday movie family gathering.

My best recommendation is to read my last few blog posts on hard conversations and boundary setting, as this will be helpful in navigating the family dynamics. Outside of this, give yourself space to grieve the family you want and don't have. And remember, family doesn't only mean blood related. You can create your own family and they are important to lean on and appreciate during the holiday time.

Financial

Money is a tricky thing, particularly this year, and it can alter how the holidays can look for you. As we all learned from A Christmas Carol, the real spirit of the season are the people we spend it with.

Exchanging homemade gifts can be a cheaper, financially easier way to celebrate without breaking the bank, and these are so much more delightful to receive. Having a potluck meal can be a great way for everyone to feel part of the celebration. Be mindful of self-judgments and cruel things you say to yourself about finances. In the current economy, we are all doing the best we can.

Overall, be gentle with yourself. Holidays don't always look like a wholesome movie and they don't always feel warm and fuzzy, and that is okay. Take the time to do something special for yourself and make space for all the feelings. All feelings are allowed and very valid.

Happy Holidays!